Love Is Not For The Faint Of Heart

Try going all day without using the word love. It's quite difficult if you think about it. Our culture uses the word love flippantly and to describe things or people we probably don't actually love. For example:

"She is so sweet. I just love her."
"I am so in love with this show."
"I can't even begin to describe my love for peanut butter on a spoon."

Do I really love all these things? The peanut butter one is probably true, actually.

Since I'm an expert in the Greek language, let me tell you a little bit about the 3 words they use for love. Ahem.

Eros: "erotic love," this is the kind of love that you feel when you are "falling in love" with someone at the beginning and is based largely on physical traits. The New Testament never even mentions eros.

Phileo: This is the kind of love shared by friends.

Storge: This is the kind of love you have towards your family.

Agape: This kind of love is described as unconditional. This kind of love is higher than eros or philos, because it is totally selfless and continues on even under adversity.

Obviously our definition of love is slightly skewed. We use love to describe many things that we only like. In fact, when it comes to the word love, the English language falls short. Most languages have more than one word to describe the act of loving and being loved.

Our desire to be loved is explicitly described in movies. We want love to be passionate, dangerous and exciting. As nice as it sounds to be "in love" forever, realistically that is impossible. We sin. We are selfish. We want more than we give. We get bored. We change. Marrying someone that you only have an "eros" kind of love with will not last 50 years, much less 10.

The human race wants the latest model with the upgraded features, not the old and outdated model from several years ago. Until I see you carrying around your old Nokia phone playing Snake, don't tell me I'm a liar. We can't commit to someone who we believe is flawless because eventually they will mess up. In fact, they will probably mess up more than they excel if we stick around long enough. Realizing that eros is temporary keeps us from disaster. Don't get me wrong- eros is wonderful! It's amazing that God created us to be able to feel so deeply. It is a blessing, but it isn't sustaining. No matter what Hollywood says- no one is perfect enough to feel like loving you 24/7. I don't think many people want to think about love in this way and maybe I am just naive.

Agape is how God loves us. Agape gives and doesn't expect anything in return. If you can love someone with an agape kind of love, you won't have to worry about it not lasting. Agape love is a choice. You see their flaws, their sin and their insecurities. Your love for them goes beyond that because you also see all the things that makes them unique and wonderful in God's eyes. You see them as God sees them, so you can love them beyond their sin.

In one of my psychology classes we actually had a discussion one day about what love is. I spoke up (me...speaking my mind...weird..I know) and said I believed love was a choice, not a constant feeling. It was amazing how many people disagreed with me.The haterz did not like me telling them what was up. The world tells us love is a feeling. The world tells us love can be selfish and flippant and temporary. Don't be blinded by it's beautiful appearance. It is superficial and will only lead to disaster.

"If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them."

- Luke 6:32

Some people are easy to love. It's easy to love them probably because they are loving you in return. They are doing nice things for you, or going out of their way to make you feel special. If you can love nice people, big deal. But what about those "difficult" people you have in your life. Loving them is tough, but it's the love God calls us to give people.

Having a spouse with "difficult" traits scares people. We believe in our minds we have to find the least sinful person to marry. However, God never promises he supports that. No matter what Joel Osteen says, God is not in the business of making us comfortable or happy. It's about completion of His work. He loves blessing us, but he knows there are also more important things. God designs each individual marriage between two people who will make a great team. He puts us with people who aren't necessarily perfect, but are perfect for us.

All other virtues are built on a foundation of love. If you peel back the onion of the human heart, you will see that most relationships break because of a misunderstanding as to what love really means.

When I think "This is More Than I Can Handle"

Everyone has heard the popular saying, "God will never give you more than you can handle." Comforting, right? I had a rough day yesterday. I was to the point where I didn't know how much more I could take. I prayed, "God I know you won't give me more than I can handle...I really think my breaking point is coming soon." I was hurt to say the least.

Later, I opened up the blogs I keep up with and was scanning the most recent ones. I came across one called, "God Will Not Give You More Than You Can Handle." DING! I was pumped- this was going to be the little spiritual boost I needed. I opened it up and started reading. Then.....I realized the entire post was contradicting the saying. Oh joy. Just what I wanted to read.

However, the words brought me more hope and peace than any "feel good" message could have. As nice as this saying sounds, it isn't biblical in the least. Paul did have more than he could handle. The thorn in his flesh consumed him and he begged God to take it away because of his agony. After reading the entire post, I started thinking of things that I can "handle."

I can handle brushing my teeth. I can handle driving my car. I can handle working out. I can handle doing laundry. I can handle studying for a test. I can handle paying taxes.
Then I thought of some things that I need to survive. I need my sinoatrial node to tell my heart to beat. I need the earth to spin on it's axis. I need the atmosphere to protect me from the sun. I need North Korea not to bomb us. I need photosynthesis to happen. I need the huge trees in my yard not to fall on my house.

Isn't it interesting how the things I need for survival, aren't on my list of things I can handle? I can do nothing of importance, really. I am such a control freak and multi-tasker, but when it comes down to the essentials, I am helpless.

I can't even keep myself alive.

God does give us more than we can handle. He wants us to realize that without Him, we can't even take care of our own survival. If God never gave me more than I can handle, what reason would I have to trust Him? So right now as I try to muddle through the emotional and physical strain of this life's troubles, my only choice is to believe He has it all taken care of. I feel like I write about this struggle consistently. It really is difficult for me to do. Praise God that I don't have to carry my own troubles without any help. I know they would crush my soul. I am reminded of this passage from Hosea as I cope with the lesson that it was God's idea to lead me to this place of struggle.

"Come, let us return to the Lord; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.....Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is as sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth."

I have more than I can handle, but I have found joy because I don't have to handle it anyways. My Creator and Savior has my little life in the palm of His hand. I am estranged from the comfort of the high places, but He is with me in the valley.

It's Kind of Like a Poem

The title of my blog comes from my favorite passage of scripture in the Bible. My "life verse" is Psalm 139:23-34, but my favorite passage is definitely Ezekiel 37 or "The Valley of Dry Bones." I'm not a poet, and I will never claim to be one. Since no one reads this, I figure I write wanna-be poetry all I want. This passage of scripture is also depicted in a song called, "Dry Bones" by a band called Gungor. They are amazing- I can't even describe how their music has influenced me. I would have never read this passage of scripture if I hadn't heard their song, and wondered what the heck they were talking about. haha Here's my "kind of like a" poem.

A lifeless breeze stirs my exposed body
The sun beats down without relent
I am at home in death, it's grip I do not thwart
A lonely crack slowly begins to shake
My bones rattle violently and I am afraid
Soon the breeze becomes a vicious wind
A Man appears and lifts my brittle skeleton
My porous limbs grow soft at His touch
He lifts me from my grave
A blanket of dust and years of abandon fall to the ground
His grip is strong and floods me with a thundrous shock
Suddenly I have feeling, sight, stimulation
Blood, tissue, breath- He fills me until I am complete
He steps back, a soft smile on His face
He watches as I take in air, and breathe it out
A strange moistness slips down my face
It is then that I realize what I am
I am alive

Streams in the Desert

While L.B. Cowman's husband was very ill she wrote her famous devotional book. I am not one to enjoy the daily devotional books, because they are usually short and don't stick with me. However, "Streams in the Desert" is unlike any devotional I've ever read. I've actually already read it once, but I'm going through it again. I feel like this book was written for ME. Not kidding- sometimes the passages relate to what I'm going through so much, it's eery.

The title of the devotional comes from Isaiah 35:6 which says,

" Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert..."

What encouragement this has brought me. I relish and meditate on this verse like it is my life. Even while I am in the wilderness, there will be blessings! The wilderness is a desolate and dark place, but I am not forsaken. If I claim to be a child of God, then nothing can separate me from Him. He will still comfort and love me even while I am being tested. There is no place that I can go and be without having God's grace right behind me....especially when I am doing His work and obeying His commands.

To go along with that- I have to remind myself not to let other people's lack of struggles discourage me. Pain and struggles are a sign of growth. When your friends seem like they are just floating through life without a scratch, it causes jealousy. I know what that feels like. It's a very hard place to be, because you don't think anyone can relate to you. Wear your time in the wilderness like a hero and allow it to grow you. You'll come out with scars, but then the world can see where you've been, and the evidence that our God still uses us.

Even in the Valley?

When I am in despair I get desperate. When I feel like my labor is in vain I demand proof. I demand proof that God has not forgotten about me. Even if I know he is with me, I desperately want to know and be assured that good is coming soon. You can only bend so much before you break. I think that's human, even if you are a Christian. Maybe not. Maybe no one but me ever waivers in their faith, and thinks, "Did God really call me to do this? How could this be part of his plan? How can this turn out for good?" I always regret it later on though. Jesus calls it faith the "size of a mustard seed." That's me. The mustard seed.

I like to see things in black and white. I'm very logical, and I think sequentially. I think in step-by-step processes. If I do "this"..."that" will happen. It's just how it works. But God doesn't always work like that. His plans don't follow a straight line. Even as I write that, I don't know if I can believe it today. Today I can't think beyond the reality of my situation. It's been a hard day to say the least.

I'm just where God wants me. The trouble now is.....I'm tired of being here. I want the green pastures. I want to be on the mountain. I'm tired. So tired of being in the valley.

I'm just having one of those days where I think I am going to wander in the desert for the rest of my life. Maybe not my entire life, but pretty close. I can't see the Promised Land on the horizon today. Even though God's blessings are still bountiful in my life, all I can feel is my misery and doubt.

Restore me Lord so that I can say, "surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." (Job 42:3)

"How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" Psalm 13

He Washed My Eyes With Tears

This is a poem that I read via Josh Harris' website.

He washed my eyes with tears that I might see,
The broken heart I had was good for me;
He tore it all apart and looked inside,
He found it full of fear and foolish pride.
He swept away the things that made me blind,
And then I saw the clouds were silver lined;
And now I understand 'twas best for me,
He washed my eyes with tears that I might see.

He washed my eyes with tears that I might see,
The glory of Himself revealed to me;
I did not know that He had wounded hands,
I saw the blood He spilt upon the sands.
I saw the marks of shame and wept and cried,
He was my substitute for me He died;
And now I'm glad He came so tenderly
And washed my eyes with tears that I might see.

by: Ira Stanphill

God gives us tears for a good reason. Our pain is not in vain. He uses it as a tool to teach us. It seems strange to our simple human minds, but in the end it will be our crowning glory.

I can say what I said above, but at the same time I question: "How can my broken heart be good for me?"

L.B. Cowman says,

" The soul that is always lighthearted and cheerful misses the deepest things of life. Certainly that life has its reward and is fully satisfied, but the depth of its satisfaction is very shallow. Its heart is dwarfed, and its nature, which has the potential for experiencing the highest heights and the deepest depths, remains undeveloped. And the wick of its life burns quickly to the bottom, without ever knowing the richness of profound joy."

I like the wording she used. I think it's strange that she says a lighthearted soul is shallow. I don't think I've ever thought of it like that. I always believed a lighthearted soul was a good thing. What I think she is saying is that without sorrow or pain, we cannot learn certain lessons or characteristics of God's love. We know all about how to praise him when everything is great............but what happens when life takes a bad turn? How does God look upon those who are in a dark place?

"Blessed are those who mourn."

We are blessed for mourning. We are blessed for being in pain, but not giving up. He loves us when we are at our lowest, so we can cling to him even tighter.

In order to have a well-developed heart we MUST go through dark times. We must endure and look for God through our tears and despair. We can't wallow in self-pity, but look for the lesson so that when our trial is over (and it WILL end), we can have JOY.

Don't forget- Job is famous for his afflictions. We know him only because of the strength and perseverance he showed when God took away everything from him. Take courage that someday people might find encouragement from learning of how you fought the fight and did not lose hope when you were in your darkest hour.

The Refiner's Fire

A smooth and transparent piece of silver starts out as a rough and jagged metal. It's natural form is not attractive, and it must be wielded over a hot fire to be made into beautiful jewelry. When a silversmith is refining silver, he purposely puts the piece he's working on where the flames are hottest, in order for the impurities or "dross" to be melted away. The silversmith also must keep careful watch over his piece of silver while he is working on it. He can't leave it for one second or it will be ruined. He watches over it, so that it will look exactly how he wants.

"See, I have refined you, though not as silver;
   I have tested you in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

This is what God is doing in me right now. I am being painfully refined in the furnace of affliction. From the outside it looks as if I have been forsaken, but my silversmith is still watching over me. I've finally realized that pain is not the absence of God in my life, he is merely squeezing my hand a little harder. In fact, pain is the reality that I proven faithful enough for God to test me. He knows that at the end of this road is a green pasture if I would only stay close to him while in the dark valley. There are certain things you can only learn about God while in pain. The mountain is wonderful, but I become more like Christ while in the dark valley. If I were to look back at my short life I cannot find a lesson I have learned through easy circumstances. Times of happiness and easy living are a nice break, but without the storms my character is weak and untried. When I am in the furnace of affliction, I am in almost continual prayer with God. When I am on the mountain, I don't need him as much. God knows I will slowly decay and rust without my spirit being constantly fine tuned.

Another verse that speaks of being "refined" is found is Psalms, and ironically is a psalm of praise!

" Shout for joy to God, all the earth!
 ² Sing the glory of his name;
   make his praise glorious.
³ Say to God, “How awesome are your deeds!
   So great is your power
   that your enemies cringe before you.
⁴ All the earth bows down to you;
   they sing praise to you,
   they sing the praises of your name.”
 ⁵ Come and see what God has done,
   his awesome deeds for mankind!
⁶ He turned the sea into dry land,
   they passed through the waters on foot—
   come, let us rejoice in him.
⁷ He rules forever by his power,
   his eyes watch the nations—
   let not the rebellious rise up against him.
 ⁸ Praise our God, all peoples,
   let the sound of his praise be heard;
⁹ he has preserved our lives
   and kept our feet from slipping.
¹⁰ For you, God, tested us;
   you refined us like silver.
¹¹ You brought us into prison
   and laid burdens on our backs.
¹² You let people ride over our heads;
   we went through fire and water,
   but you brought us to a place of abundance." Psalm 66

My sole comfort while I am in the fire of affliction, and the hope that encourages me not to let my circumstances defeat me, is the "place of abundance." The silversmith doesn't leave his silver over the hot flames forever. He only leaves it there until it is ready for him to wield into the shape he wants. God is keeping me in the fire of affliction so he can make me into a beautiful piece of silver. God is making my soul so luminous, that when he finally takes me out of the fire, he sees a reflection of himself.

Where Were You?

Matt Maher is a really cool musician. He sings a song called, "You Were On The Cross" that I really like. This is one of my favorite lines,

" Where were you when sin stole my innocence?
  Where were you when I was ashamed?
  Hiding in a life I wish I had never made.....

  You were on the Cross..."

This song always brings painful thoughts about my sin to the forefront of my mind. It's that sick feeling of guilt when you realize what you've done. For me- it comes right when my sin feels the most pleasant. The moment when I've already ignored the Holy Spirit's whispers in my ear....then I feel it. The dreaded guilt...the "how could I have done this...or thought this...or wanted this?" The voice in my head says, "Why can't you get this right?!" "Why are you always making the same mistakes?!" Like David did....I try and hide my sin from God. I am flippant about asking for forgiveness. Sometimes I don't even ask. I just tell myself I won't do it again.

But God knows. Oh yes- he knows more than I think he does. However, his intent is unlike Satan's. Satan wants to "kill and destroy" me. He relishes in my guilt. It encourages him. God's purpose in convincing me to ask for forgiveness is not to make me feel guilty. He just knows how guilt bears down on us like a heavy weight, and doesn't want us to think we are required to carry it.

When Jesus was on the Cross He felt all the sins of the world on His shoulders.

The sins of the murderer. The sins of the child molestor. The sins of the addict. The sins of the adulterer. The sins of the deceiver. The sins of the liar. The sins of the betrayer.

What that must have felt like! We talk on and on about the crown of thorns and the nail pierced hands, but what about the inner turmoil? What about the spiritual slaughter He went through for us? I believe that was the most difficult part of Christ's crucifiction. A man of no sin, now carrying every sin ever commited.

Oh, that I would remember that when I am on the battle lines of temptation! Let me refrain from sin out of thankfulness. Out of gratitude. And when I do sin, let me approach the throne of Grace and Mercy quickly and sincerely.

Consuming Fire

Wildfires are rampant across Texas right now. The drought our poor land has gone through has been terrible these past months, and now fires are burning us to the ground. Wildfires are extremely tricky and difficult to put out. As I've watched the news the past few weeks talk about the devastation they are doing to people's homes and land, I remembered this description of God:


"For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God." Deut. 4:24

God describes himself this way when he is forbiding the Israelites to worship idols. He meant what he said too.....the Israelities were punished severely for going against the covenant they made with God. Our God is not to be trifled with. I think this upsets many people. They think they want a God who is like a grandfather. You sit on his lap, he tells you stories, maybe scolds you a little about not telling a lie, and then doesn't really interfere with your personal life. They certainly don't want a jealous God. That kind of God is frightening.

But God knew that. He knew that we could not possibly contain Him, or approach Him, or conceive Him, or understand Him. He knew that as the Creator of the entire universe, our minds could only comprehend His majesty and glory so much. He knew that even if we tried our very hardest, we would still fall short. He knew the Israelities would not keep their covenant with Him that day. He knew.

And that is why he also knew he had to do something. He knew we could not be in His presence, so he had to send someone to save us. He didn't just send anyone either. God's unfathomable love for us compelled Him to send His son. Hallelujah....what a Savior!

Now- we are all conquerers! Christ's blood was the bridge over the Great Divide between us and God. We can approach him and be forgiven of all our sins. He loves us more than we could ever ask Him to.

The question remaining is: what about the God of the Old Testament? What happened to Him when Christ came?
The answer is that the God of the Old Testament is still very much alive. He is still Holy, and he is still reigning supreme over all life. He is still a Consuming Fire. The people that want the "grandfather God" are missing out. They are putting God in a box and presenting him as something human-like. I do not want to worship a God that I can fully describe or fathom. I want a God who is looking out for my best interests, even if it goes against what I want. If I am going to place my entire life in the hands of a God- I want a God who is feared and a God that is eternal.

Purity

Growing up in a Southern Baptist church, purity was something we were taught from a young age. I learned about it not only at church, but at home too. Out of all the things I was taught in my youth group, DO NOT HAVE SEX was definitely glorified. Most of my friends received purity rings and we would joke that when you didn't have your ring on you, "forgot your purity at home" or if you lost your ring that meant you "lost your purity." I was always a rebel and only wore mine on special occasions. HA. Abstinence is a huge matter of importance in baptist churches, and for a good reason. Sex isn't something you should be apathetic about and can end up giving you more than you bargained for (aka another human being.) I know lots and lots about sexual purity, but I've come to realize that there is so much more to being pure than having sex.

God telling the Israelites to destroy Jericho is a great example of just how pure our God is and how badly he wants us to be pure.

" They devoted the city to the Lord and destroyed with the sword every living thing in it- men and women, young and old, cattle, sheep and donkeys." - Joshua 6:21

They killed everyone. Even the animals. What kind of God makes His people kill innocent women, children and animals? People who are against Christianity use passages like this to prove that Christianity is not a religion of peace. They look and this scripture and say our God is not merciful or kind. God had a very strong and valid reason for annihilating these people. Canaanites (the people who lived in Jericho at the time) practiced intense idolatry, incest, bestiality, child sacrifice, molestation, prostitution and other evil practices. If God left even a small child or a few cows, they would be a cancer to the Israelities for years to come. God of course saved Rahab (who was a former prostitute- ironic, right?) because she recognized God as her own, and did away with her old life.

God values purity so much that he will go to extremities like mass murder to keep his people from evil. He protected the Israelities like a father protects his child. You don't always understand why your parents won't allow you to do certain things, but as you mature you look back and see they were merely protecting you.

In Habakkuk, when God is having to punish the Israelities for their wickedness by letting the Babylonians conquer them, Habakkuk cries out to God, "Your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate wrong. Why then do you tolerate the treacherous?" God can't even look on evil. He is too pure and holy. He let the Israelities be conquered by the powerful Babylonians because He was more concerned with their purity and holiness than their happiness. If we don't stay out of Satan's snare, he allows Satan to punish us so we can hopefully turn back to Him.

Purity isn't always easy to get back. God is full of mercy and wipes away our iniquities the minute we ask Him to, but that doesn't mean we won't struggle. I'm trying to look at purity from a "precautionary" stand point. By being pure in what I look at, what music I listen to, what conversations I have, how I spend my time, etc. I can avoid having these consequences. "Do {this} now, and you won't have to worry about {that} later."

"Create in me a pure heart, O God..." Psalm 51:10

A Fiery Furnace and Talking Vegetables

I love, love, love Veggie Tales. I grew up watching them and think the writers and producers are just absolute geniuses. Seriously- talking vegetables. Why didn't I think of that? One of my favorites is about "Shack, Rack, and Benny" aka the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. It's so cute. They work in this chocolate factory and the mean/nasty owner wants them to bow down to this huge chocolate bunny. When they won't do it he throws them into the furnace. SPOILER: they don't die.

The story of the three men who were thrown into the flames really makes me unnerved. I envy them, yet I am ashamed of myself because of them. They were able to visually comprehend how powerful God was when He saved them from a fate that was physically impossible to avoid. That would be awesome. However, their faith was so strong to begin with, that when you think about it, they probably already had a firm foundation of their belief in God's absolute power. I know God still uses those of us with "faith as small as a mustard seed" but the end results will not be as much of a blessing.

The part of the story I usually focus most on is how God saved Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego from death and how King Nebuchadnezzar was dumbfounded that God was with his people in the fiery furnace. Through a speaker I heard recently, I was forced to look at the story from a different angle. In Daniel 3:16, the three men tell the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not intend to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the  image of gold you have set up."

"But even if he does not....."

What immoveable faith they had. I feel like they were almost sarcastic with the king. "Alright, alright King. There is really no need for you to be so flustered. We aren't going to sit here and argue about whatever punishment you decide to give us. You obviously don't understand just how powerful the God is we serve. You see- he can save us from any fate you give us. But even if he decides not to save us, we just want you to know we still won't worship your gods." If there were hashtags in the Old Testament there would be one at the end that said #sorrynotsorry

Of course, their matter-of-factness and calm disposition about being burned alive made the king even more riled. I'm going to get side tracked for a second. A few verses down it says he "heated the furnace seven times hotter than usual." I don't really understand why this would make a difference. Fire burns no matter how hot it is, right? Soo pretty much he was just quickening their death by making it hotter, instead of making them suffer longer. If anyone knows the logic behind this....let me know. Anyways.....

I just love that they said, "even if he does not." That's the kind of faith I want. It is difficult to have faith that is mature enough to want God to rescue you, but if he decides not to, nothing changes. If God makes a huge scene and performs a miracle in your life, he is just as powerful as if he were to remain silent. My rookie faith still doesn't always accept that easily.

It is hard for me to say, "I really want (insert hopes/dreams/desires) to happen in my life. But even if those aren't what you have planned for me, I will still obey you." God's ultimate plan is to make me like Him. At twenty-one years old I think I have my life all figured out, and can't understand why he won't let me have certain things when I want them. There is no intelligent reason (that I understand at this point in time) behind why God closes certain doors. All I know is that eventually this road that he's taking me down will make me more like Him. The hidden message in the psalm that says, "he will give us the desires of our hearts" is really that if we truly follow Him, God's desires are our desires as well.