"She is so sweet. I just love her."
"I am so in love with this show."
"I can't even begin to describe my love for peanut butter on a spoon."
Do I really love all these things? The peanut butter one is probably true, actually.
Since I'm an expert in the Greek language, let me tell you a little bit about the 3 words they use for love. Ahem.
Eros: "erotic love," this is the kind of love that you feel when you are "falling in love" with someone at the beginning and is based largely on physical traits. The New Testament never even mentions eros.
Phileo: This is the kind of love shared by friends.
Storge: This is the kind of love you have towards your family.
Agape: This kind of love is described as unconditional. This kind of love is higher than eros or philos, because it is totally selfless and continues on even under adversity.
Obviously our definition of love is slightly skewed. We use love to describe many things that we only like. In fact, when it comes to the word love, the English language falls short. Most languages have more than one word to describe the act of loving and being loved.
Our desire to be loved is explicitly described in movies. We want love to be passionate, dangerous and exciting. As nice as it sounds to be "in love" forever, realistically that is impossible. We sin. We are selfish. We want more than we give. We get bored. We change. Marrying someone that you only have an "eros" kind of love with will not last 50 years, much less 10.
The human race wants the latest model with the upgraded features, not the old and outdated model from several years ago. Until I see you carrying around your old Nokia phone playing Snake, don't tell me I'm a liar. We can't commit to someone who we believe is flawless because eventually they will mess up. In fact, they will probably mess up more than they excel if we stick around long enough. Realizing that eros is temporary keeps us from disaster. Don't get me wrong- eros is wonderful! It's amazing that God created us to be able to feel so deeply. It is a blessing, but it isn't sustaining. No matter what Hollywood says- no one is perfect enough to feel like loving you 24/7. I don't think many people want to think about love in this way and maybe I am just naive.
Agape is how God loves us. Agape gives and doesn't expect anything in return. If you can love someone with an agape kind of love, you won't have to worry about it not lasting. Agape love is a choice. You see their flaws, their sin and their insecurities. Your love for them goes beyond that because you also see all the things that makes them unique and wonderful in God's eyes. You see them as God sees them, so you can love them beyond their sin.
In one of my psychology classes we actually had a discussion one day about what love is. I spoke up (me...speaking my mind...weird..I know) and said I believed love was a choice, not a constant feeling. It was amazing how many people disagreed with me.The haterz did not like me telling them what was up. The world tells us love is a feeling. The world tells us love can be selfish and flippant and temporary. Don't be blinded by it's beautiful appearance. It is superficial and will only lead to disaster.
"If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them."
- Luke 6:32
Some people are easy to love. It's easy to love them probably because they are loving you in return. They are doing nice things for you, or going out of their way to make you feel special. If you can love nice people, big deal. But what about those "difficult" people you have in your life. Loving them is tough, but it's the love God calls us to give people.
Having a spouse with "difficult" traits scares people. We believe in our minds we have to find the least sinful person to marry. However, God never promises he supports that. No matter what Joel Osteen says, God is not in the business of making us comfortable or happy. It's about completion of His work. He loves blessing us, but he knows there are also more important things. God designs each individual marriage between two people who will make a great team. He puts us with people who aren't necessarily perfect, but are perfect for us.
All other virtues are built on a foundation of love. If you peel back the onion of the human heart, you will see that most relationships break because of a misunderstanding as to what love really means.
