My mom was telling me a story the other day about a lady she heard on the radio who lived in Afghanistan for five years to specifically minister to the women. The lady was describing how one day she asked a group of women to write a story of no particular topic. When describing the details of each woman's story, the similarities were striking. All of the women wrote stories that started off with a woman who falls in love with a man. The progression of the story from there always includes the woman having a relationship with the man. In a Romeo and Juliet type twist, the lady said their stories always ended with the parents being so displeased with the couple that the woman commits suicide. Most of these women are barely literate, so they've probably not read Shakespeare. They live in a third-world country in the middle of nowhere, so they don't know of Western romances seen in movies. They've never witnessed a man pursuing a woman in a loving relationship, because that is unheard of in their culture. The question becomes, where did their stories come from?
Well, because a woman's desire to have a relationship with a man is innate. As Americans, it is easy for us to breeze over the word relationship. We all have this idea in our heads of what a marriage is, and relationship is probably #1 on that list. In our idealistic mind-set, we all say, "What else could it be??" As Americans, why would we not have a relationship with the person we marry? This seems fundamental but for Afghan women, sadly, a relationship never even plays a role in the marriage union. In Western cultures, a girl's wedding day is one of the greatest days of her life. She dreams about it, even as a young girl. For an Afghan girl, her wedding day is usually full of fear as she meets, for the first time, the man who will become her master. A man whom she will know, but not in the way she desires. She will be a piece of property to him, not a person in whom he confides or cherishes.
As my mom is telling me all this, I'm actually in the middle of reading Jane Eyre. One of the greatest love stories of all time, no doubt. As I read this book, (like most women) I know someday I will have a story of my own. Hopefully not as dramatic and .....life threatening...as Jane Eyre's....but a story nevertheless. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness as I realize my assumed future is unique to my culture. All women dream of a loving relationship with a man, but not all assume that dream will be fulfilled.
Even if I have to be single until my hair turns grey, I'm simply thankful I live in a place where my dreams stand a chance. I'm thankful I have the ability to be single as long as I want to, without marriage being forced upon me. My heart aches for women in countries around the world who innately desire something they know they will never have.
