Matt Maher is a really cool musician. He sings a song called, "You Were On The Cross" that I really like. This is one of my favorite lines,
" Where were you when sin stole my innocence?
Where were you when I was ashamed?
Hiding in a life I wish I had never made.....
You were on the Cross..."
This song always brings painful thoughts about my sin to the forefront of my mind. It's that sick feeling of guilt when you realize what you've done. For me- it comes right when my sin feels the most pleasant. The moment when I've already ignored the Holy Spirit's whispers in my ear....then I feel it. The dreaded guilt...the "how could I have done this...or thought this...or wanted this?" The voice in my head says, "Why can't you get this right?!" "Why are you always making the same mistakes?!" Like David did....I try and hide my sin from God. I am flippant about asking for forgiveness. Sometimes I don't even ask. I just tell myself I won't do it again.
But God knows. Oh yes- he knows more than I think he does. However, his intent is unlike Satan's. Satan wants to "kill and destroy" me. He relishes in my guilt. It encourages him. God's purpose in convincing me to ask for forgiveness is not to make me feel guilty. He just knows how guilt bears down on us like a heavy weight, and doesn't want us to think we are required to carry it.
When Jesus was on the Cross He felt all the sins of the world on His shoulders.
The sins of the murderer. The sins of the child molestor. The sins of the addict. The sins of the adulterer. The sins of the deceiver. The sins of the liar. The sins of the betrayer.
What that must have felt like! We talk on and on about the crown of thorns and the nail pierced hands, but what about the inner turmoil? What about the spiritual slaughter He went through for us? I believe that was the most difficult part of Christ's crucifiction. A man of no sin, now carrying every sin ever commited.
Oh, that I would remember that when I am on the battle lines of temptation! Let me refrain from sin out of thankfulness. Out of gratitude. And when I do sin, let me approach the throne of Grace and Mercy quickly and sincerely.
