Jesus Never Made Me Apologize

     "When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals- one on his left, the other on his right. Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.' And they divided up his clothes by casting lots." Luke 23: 33-34

Jesus' message always encouraged people to repent. There is no doubt about that. The Bible proclaims that if you believe in Jesus and confess your sins to him, you will be saved. "Apologizing" is a crucial step in becoming a follower of Christ- but it wasn't a preliminary requirement for Jesus' death.

Jesus never said, "I'm very willing to die for you, but not until you say you're sorry." He did quite the opposite. He died for us first. There were no bribes or prerequisites.

One of the criminals sneered insults at him, even while they hung in pain. Jesus could have reminded him that later on that day (while he burned in Hell) he probably would want to take back all that "get yourself down" stuff. Instead, Jesus died for him. Then there was the other criminal. We don't know what sins he committed, but most likely it wasn't something like tax evasion. Whatever crimes he had committed were now being felt by Christ. Instead of making him repent first, he promised him eternal life.

Now, here I am.

Why do I consider myself so worthy, that I would want someone to tell me they are sorry before forgiving them? Why would that be of any consequence to me? Because I somehow believe that it will make me feel better. I believe they owe it to me. I think I deserve certain things but in reality, I don't deserve anything.

Jesus never made me apologize for the future sins I'd commit. He died for me first. Some people will never apologize for their sins. They will die never appreciating the suffering of Christ. They will go to their graves mocking him. He died for the people who will always ignore him, as well as those who love him. Only after failing in relationships with other people, can I finally see how beautiful that is. He gave us the gift of free sacrifice without any preconceived notions of equality. There was no equal trade between Christ and I. He died even while the scale tipped completely in my favor. Let me forgive as you have, Lord.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

My Backpack

(This is a response to reading The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18.)


I didn't think it would be this heavy. The lop-sided backpack I've got strapped to me, that is. I had everything I thought I would need to help me reach the top. I ignored the warning from my friends, who said there were many things in my backpack I didn't need. They kept saying not to bring anything that wasn't essential. "Well of course everything in here is essential," I told myself. How could I possibly scale such a height without all the items I might need? I wasn't about to leave anything behind.

The beginning of the hike is nothing.You have relatively no problems. Feeling proud, you laugh and think about your friend's warnings. "They thought I couldn't handle such a load. They obviously don't know how strong I am. Glad I didn't listen to them." But soon, little by little, the terrain starts getting steeper. Your heart starts speeding up to keep up with the strain. On a particularly steep area, when your backpack becomes increasingly cumbersome, one part of you will say, "OK- maybe some of this stuff needs to go." With a quick response, though, your other half will say, "Never! I need everything in here!"

So you will keep climbing. Your back becomes distorted as you attempt to manage all the weight, and the straps start rubbing your skin raw. You try not to notice, but it's apparent you haven't used the majority of the items in your backpack. By the time you reach the peak, your body is throbbing and every movement racks you with pain. You've "made it" but you can't enjoy the view because of how tired you are. You finally take off the backpack, and toss it to the ground. Immediately you loathe it. You loathe that you brought it. You loathe that most of the items inside didn't even bring you any help.You loathe that you didn't enjoy the challenging hike you just made, because the entire journey was focused on carrying that stupid backpack.

Trust me. You don't want to miss out on the reward of a challenging hike because you were too absorbed in how heavy your load was. A load you didn't even need to begin with. Lighten your load before it is too late.

We All Long For The Same Thing

There are countless stories of people aching to get home. Frodo wants to get back to the Shire. Dorothy wants to get back to Kansas. Scarlett wants to get back to Tara.

The image of home stirs warm and pleasant thoughts in many of us. There are also many of us that, when thinking or remembering home, have nothing but bitterness or sorrow to ponder upon. The idea of having a home to return to after a hard day is, in all of us, inadvertently innate.

I am such a homebody. Home is where I can lay around in my sweats all day and don't think twice about if I look OK. I can slurp spaghetti noodles without a care if some of them don't make it all the way in my mouth. I am more myself at home than anywhere else. I love how everyone's home has a distinct smell and when you come back after a long time, you recognize it.


The desire for home is the direct response to the true longing of our hearts. Eternity. The only thing we were created to yearn for is eternity. There is no rest for the soul that is not filled with the desire for Heaven.

As a child, I would lay awake at night in fear thinking of eternity. I would find myself crying trying to process how God had always existed, how the universe went on forever, and how someday I would live in Heaven for all eternity. I was quite a deep thinker when I was a kid. haha.

I always felt guilty about not really wanting to go to heaven. The thought of being somewhere forever sounded horrible and boring. The whole scene of harps and choirs and clouds was not appealing when earth had Limited Too and the Backstreet Boys.When you think about what heaven actually it- it is ridiculous not to want to go there. I mean- heaven is supposed to be the epitome of existence! Why would I not want to be sinless with God in the most amazing place ever created??

Well it actually makes perfect sense. I didn't need heaven at that time in my life because... well....earth was pretty dang awesome.

Now, for the first time, things are quite different. Life isn't as carefree and protective as it used to be.

While running late last night, I was really upset and worried about some events that had taken place. They were such a burden on my heart. In that moment, where I found myself so hopeless, I realized the pain I was feeling was not about to be over. Individual struggles end, but not in general. Struggles in life will never end while I am on this earth. In realization of this, I told God I was really tired of being down here.

Finally, he seemed to say. After all these years, you finally yearn for what you were created for.

It's also good to keep in mind that someday, when I'm exactly where I want to be, it is still only pretty awesome. Even when I'm not in the middle of a rough patch in the road, life is still.....life.

It is not until I am in His presence, laying at His feet, will my spirit be quenched. Thank you for this yearning, God.