...And it was good

About four years ago, my mom bought me a beautiful, handmade scrub top from Guatemala. She intended to give it to me as a gift for when I became an occupational therapist. I took a class in high school that introduced me to various medical professions and decided then I wanted to become an OT. I spent the next seven years pursuing this dream. It's funny how we think we know ourselves. We think we completely understand our own strengths and what areas of life we excel in. For me, I was convinced that helping others through this field was my calling.

Ah, failure. It was not to be. I did not have a 3.9 GPA and had not experienced an outstanding tragedy to give my application the extra sparkle it needed to stand out among hundreds.

Thus, my journey in applied behavior analysis began. It literally began as a google search after I interviewed for a job at an autism clinic (a job I did not get.) I thought it sounded interesting, as I had been greatly fascinated with autism spectrum disorders for many years. Going from my pursuit of occupational therapy to something else....was it possible? How does one give up on a dream after thousands of hours have been spent in it's foreboding presence?

I think the will of God is often communicated through a still, small voice. But in my case, the will of God was like a slamming screen door. One door closed and wouldn't open no matter how hard I pushed on it. It is really difficult to leave behind a dream. I look back and realize, however, that my inflexibility showed a lack of faith in a better path. A path that led me towards a mysterious and often frustrating God, not a 'career.'

I chased another dream and became myself. Something about that sounds so mystical and silly, but it's what happened. I still remember coming home from a class in grad school and crying because I realized how much I loved ABA and would have never gotten there without failing for all those years.

On Monday, I found out I passed my rigorous certification exam to be a Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Not a big deal to anyone outside the field, but life changing for someone like me. The funny thing about the scrub top from Guatemala is...that's what I wear to work now. Even though it's not being used as it was intended...it was all part of the plan for my life.

I could turn this into a Joel Osteen style speech where I say that God will give you success if you believe in yourself and trust that he wants you to be happy. But that would be a lie. God {allowed} me to fail...and fail...and fail. I experienced success because grace is greater than all my sins. I am not entitled to a great job, a husband, wealth or happiness. I learned to love God as I watched him love me and saw it was all grace. He witholds nothing good. I failed for seven years...and it was good.

Bless the Lord, O my soul.