What does it feel like to be tethered to a sin you can't be free from?
Like being choked, but never dying. Slow and endless.
Like running sprint after sprint, always exhausted, but never being able to stop.
Like climbing a steep incline with continuous crumbling footholds.
Out of everyone in the world, I'm supposed to have the most freedom. If the Son has set me free, why do I feel the farthest thing from, "free indeed?" I am a chained dog on a very short leash. Sin has a way of making me feel like I don't know myself. The things I've always wanted suddenly don't seem desirable anymore. I am Gollum with Smeagol whining in the background. Always overtaken by my other half.
Restless.
Then the whisper comes. The whisper to worship. To call on Love who knows how hard it is to be human. He says to just come. Just come, and He will give me rest. So that's what I did. Instead of making a to do list, I lay my burdens in a heaping mess at His feet. "Foul I to the fountain fly," yet He received me in bridal robes. There was no guilt, no nagging, no reminders. I didn't speak any magic words. I just wept about my condition and my slavery. The slavery to pursue satisfaction that really never satisfies. And he knew. He knew I couldn't fight it alone. Because of my condition. So he took all my blubbering words and unfinished sentences. All my attempts to rationalize and analyze. All my self pity and self denial. He took it all and made the Exchange.
Rest.
